I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
