"it" just moved
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
