JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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