I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Randomize
