brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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