i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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