So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
