Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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