I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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