can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
