in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
