ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I'm drive I can fine osifer
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
