captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
