I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
