when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
babies were throwing up all over the place
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize