that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Bring me that man meat
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
