the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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