did you get engaged???
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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