We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I'm passing your future prison.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
