Your face is a jimmy john
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
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