My nipple is on Facebook.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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