Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
