Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
