I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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