i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
