Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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