So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
