There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
