I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
