Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
