remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
