so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
