I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
