I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
