I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
