Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
