I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
