Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
