He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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