Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize