also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
