A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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