that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Quick, to the slutcave!
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
