Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
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