i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
