you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
