How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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