my mouth tastes like poor choices
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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