im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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