my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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