the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
