Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
