I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
