I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
