You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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