Jerry, you need to find god
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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