I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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