Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
