More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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