I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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