I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
