be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
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