I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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