i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
