Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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