Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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