I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
