you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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