The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
