I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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